Domestic Geek

I noticed a few weeks ago, during the period that I had no glasses to wear, that I had terrible bags under my eyes and that I was getting (*gasp*) wrinkles at the corners of my eyes. Well, I'm 40 now. Did I really think I would escape wrinkles forever? Except for washing my face in the shower, I don't really have a facial regimen. Once in a great while I'll put a moisturizer around my eyes or do a facial scrub, but that's about it. I've also been having horrible breakouts along my jawline and around my hairline for the past few months. I've been attributing them to stress, but it turns out they may be related to something I can easily fix.

In her new book, "Six Weeks to Sensational Skin: Dr. Loretta's Beauty Camp for your Freshest Face," author Dr. Loretta Ciraldo gives low-cost tips to get better skin, no matter your age. She was recently a guest on "Good Morning America," where she shared some of the tips from her book. Click here for the article from ABC.com. There is also a video of her "Good Morning America" appearance. My hair problem? As simple as changing my shampoo. I started buying cheaper shampoos when I lost my job and it turns out the fragrance and sodium lauryl sulfate are most likely causing the clogged pores.

For my baggy, puffy eyes, the author offers this tip:

Make sure your pillow case is at least 400 thread count, and clean it with an detergent that gets rid of dust mites and other bacteria on your pillow. A pillow is like an 8-hour facial-- make sure you have the right one!

Makes sense, doesn't it?

I'm really interested in what other tips this book may provide.

I've written before about how I'd benefit from being able to relax and I feel I need to learn to meditate. I ran across a Self Help Book I'd like to get called Simone and Elvis: Why Act Like a Mouse When You're Really a Cat?

This beautifully illustrated book of fables and inspirational quotations ... where the reader will understand in a fun, entertaining and insightful way, how the mind often puts us in a negative space and how we can recognize that within us.

The site also features some free flash videos designed to help you relax. I tried those last night and I actually had the first good night's sleep I've had in awhile.

It's Saturday. I didn't go to sleep until around 11pm. Why the hell was I awake at 5am? I tried for another half hour to go back to sleep, but I got up. Figured I can always get a nap in later if I start to crash.

I'm sure it's just my mind telling me that I've got a lot I need to accomplish this weekend and it's not going to let me get out of it.

While washing some dishes, I did get to see a beautiful rainbow briefly before the rain hit. Brrrr. It's a cold, windy rain. Oh, well...we need the moisture. Fire danger has been extemely high lately.

While sorting through junk, I found a packet of Lemon Cucumbers and a mini greenhouse with peat pellets that I bought last year. I doubt they'll grow, but I planted them anyway. Lemon cucumbers are really tasty. If they sprout, I'll have to put them in pots outside. I don't dare eat anything grown in the dirt around here. I really miss having a full-blown garden. A real estate agent sent Blue Spruce seedlings to people in the Larkspur area. The office manager was going to throw it out, but I took it. I'm going to try and nurture it and by the time it's big enough to plant outside, we'll be out of this hellhole.

It's amazing how many started craft projects I have. I'm torn about throwing some of those out since I already put a lot of time and effort into them. I have to seriously answer the question about whether I'll actually finish it and if I do, what would I do with the finished project? If it is just going to sit in a box for another 10 years, what's the point of wasting even more time and effort. I did throw out a huge pile of Granny Squares I had crocheted. There were also a bunch that my mother and grandmother had done. Since Grandma passed in 1984 and Mom in 1997, was I really going to make anything out of them? Doubt it. I already have a huge Granny Square bedspread that mom made for me in college that I never use. The dogs would always get their nails caught in it and it's too big and bulky to use on the couch. *sigh* I don't want to get rid of it since it's the last thing my mom made for me. Maybe I can take it apart and turn it into a couple fo smaller afghans. We'll see. Definitely a project for the future. Do you remember how Granny Square clothing was really popular in the '70s? I found an online pattern for a Granny Square Poncho that made me giggle. Mom used to make ponchos and vests for me and I'd have wear them to school. Oh...the horror!

I've got to get my life organized and back on track. I'm not allowing myself to dig into the "Teach Yourself Knitting" kit that Marcus' mother got me for Christmas until I do. I really want to get good enough to make sweaters and socks for myself like Mac does. Every time I see that she's finished a project, I want to delve into learning to knit.

I found this article about the Astrological signs of Billionaires via Amy. What the hell am I doing wrong? LOL

Well, I guess that is enough procrastinating for one morning. Have a great day!

I've had a major shift of viewpoint lately. It could be because I've been so poor recently or it could be that as I'm nearing 40, my whole outlook on what's important in life has changed. I'm focusing less on material THINGS. I think back on all the time I wasted driving around looking for wrestling figures (hundred of dollars wrapped up and I can get about $20 for them on eBay), Star Trek stuff, scrapbooking supplies...How much money I wasted on junk that is never used...how much money I've spent storing that stuff in a storage unit...how much money I've wasted on pop/Starbucks/food to make myself almost 300 pounds...IT MAKES ME SICK! There is stuff I've been throwing away in the craft room that I ask myself, "Why in the world did I think that I ever needed that?" I could've had the life I wanted by now with a house and a garden and such, but I wallowed and spent foolishly and I have nobody to blame for where I am now but me.

I knew I was having a shift when I walked all the way through Hobby Lobby one day and didn't find one thing I really wanted to buy. The only things I want to buy now have a purpose. I need some things for my business. I need some books for some things I'm trying to learn. I need some new clothes. I need healthy food. I need to save for a vacation.

I think I was buying stuff to try and fill the emptiness in my life. Trying to numb the pain of being an outcast and being lonely. Don't get me wrong, I know I have people in my life that love me. Marcus has been the rock that has kept me relatively sane. The problem is I haven't been loving me. I took a turn in college where I really liked myself to really hating myself. I started letting myself be abused by people, started expecting less of myself, started giving up on my dreams, started gaining a lot of weight. The problems compounded when my mother died and my sister turned on me. I became an extremely angry, depressed, hopeless person. I'm trying to let all the anger and resentment go. It's not healthy and it serves no purpose except to keep me stuck.

It dawned on me as I was sifting through junk last night that I have been wanting to start my own business for over 17 years. Mom and I used to talk about starting something long before I met Marcus (our 14th anniversary is coming up). What has been holding me back? I wish I knew. I still don't know. It can't be fear of my life getting worse, because it is sucking pretty bad right now. Moving forward with my design business will be the greatest thing I can do for myself right now. I'm never going to get rich working hard everyday for somebody else.

Well, all of that being said, time for me to get back to work. Have a great day, everybody!

Once again: I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!

I'm having a hard time believing that 2006 is already a quarter finished.

I've written on here before about how I'm getting rid of the clutter in my life. Today I tackled a couple of boxes in the craft room. In one of those, I found a baby afghan I started when I found out my supposed "best friend" from school was pregnant...in 1984! It's been sitting in a box that I've been lugging around for almost 22 years. It struck me how that was a symbol of my whole life. I have these dreams, I have all of these plans, yet I never attain them. I never really finish anything. My whole life has been filled with "I should have," "I wish I had done," etc. I put tons of energy into getting started on something (buying supplies, making the plan), but never really getting anything out of it. My whole life is cluttered with unfulfilled ambitions and meaningless junk.

I'm reading a book that my old friend from college got me about 2 years ago. It's called 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace. She saw in me that I struggle with who I am and what I really want to be doing in my life. When she got it for me, I wasn't ready to read it and put in in a drawer. I found it the other day and started reading it. He quoted Tolstoy's character Ivan Ilyich, who said, "What if my whole life has been wrong?" That quote really got me thinking. I'm going to be 40 in a little over five months. I don't want to waste any more time thinking "I wish I could've..." or "Why did I never..." and just make my dreams happen. I'm tired of the excuses I feed myself about why my life is the way it is.

Anyway, I can't remember exactly where I was going with all of this. I guess just that I'm still not in a good place yet. While the job I have now is closer than anything I've ever had to want I want to be doing, it's still not a great fit. I don't have any benefits, the personalities there clash really bad and I'm not making enough money to pay my bills, let alone have any extra to do anything for myself. I'm keeping an eye out for another job while I start freelancing. I'm the most skilled employee and the least paid. Not cool. I just can't let myself stay there because I'm afraid or too lazy to get what I really want. I don't want to make another long-term mistake like pizza was.

I wish I had another day off. I have so much I need to do and work is just getting in the way. I spent a good portion of this weekend shaving the skunk-infused fur off of my dog. I still have some really matted stuff around his neck to get, but he's almost done. Hopefully that incident will never repeat. My house still smells. Ewwww.

Well, I guess I'd better head off to bed. Even though it doesn't feel like 11;20, the clock says it is. Getting up tomorrow is going to be a bitch.

Hi Everyone! Did you miss me?

Sorry about being MIA, but I've had a lot on my mind. I've been doing a lot of thinking about how I've gotten to where I am in life and how to get where I really want to be. Don't misunderstand, I don't have a bad life—I'm just not where I thought I'd be by now. I am not realizing my full potential. Someone as gifted and smart as I shouldn't be making $25,000/yr. In fact, this is the least amount of money I've made in a long time. I also shouldn't be living in a mobile home park. I can't blame anybody but myself. I've made every choice that has me where I am. I'm learning a lot about how one's thoughts keeps one stuck. Not just emotionally and mentally, but physically, as well. For instance, no matter what I eat or what amount of exercise I get, I've been stuck at the same weight for a long time.

Somewhere deep in my subconscious I keep myself exactly where I am now. Letting go of pizza was a huge step, but I keep dreaming that I've gone back to work there. I even toyed with the idea of delivering pizzas again because I'm dead broke right now. My final student loan kicks in next month and I don't even have money for food right now. Don't know where another $200+ is going to come from. Top it off with owing taxes this year. No wonder I'm seeking the security of the familiar. Turns out it might be chemically programmed into my very cells to keep wanting to suffer at a pizza job since I did it so long.

I watched an interesting movie yesterday called "What the #$*! Do We Know!?". A coworker suggested it as it pertains to a lot of the mind over matter type of thinking I've been exploring lately. It was so interesting, in fact, that I watched it again this morning. They even have a website at whatthebleep.com. I'm not taking things said in the movie as gospel, but they touched on things I've heard and pondered before. I've loved listening to Dr. Michio Kaku talk about quantum physics on Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell and on The Screensavers on TechTv. Even though most of the theories are way over my head, it definitely gives me a lot to think about.

The movie referenced the work of a Japanese researcher named Masaru Emoto that studied the effects of human vibrational energy, thoughts, words, ideas and music on the molecular structure of water. Postive thoughts and words produced a totally different crystalline structure in the water than negative ones. Extemely fascinating, considering the human body is composed of mostly water. Deep stuff, I tell you.

So, the whole point of all of this is: I'm tired of being stuck living in my box. I'm beginning an experiment of growth and enlightenment. In a year, I want to be in a totally different place (physically and mentally). I'll keep you guys up to speed on how that is going.

Speaking of being poor, it has done one thing for me—my kitchen cabinets are practically bare. Marcus and I have been eating food that has been in there for a couple of years (or more). I know the bag of elbow macaroni I ate one night had been purchased before we moved back to Aurora over three years ago. *sigh* Since my performance review is over 3.5 months away, I've got to start bringing in more cash in other ways. Things are going up on eBay and I'm starting my design business. I keep saying I'll start it when I get new business cards, I'll get a new mac first, I'll be ready when              . I can't wait anymore. There is really no good reason why I have put it off. I'm scared. I won't find clients. I won't make any money. Bah! I'm good at this and people will pay me. I just have to find them. This next week I'm going to work on getting my business site and portfolio up on the web. Meanwhile, if anybody you know needs some graphic design work done, let me know!!!!!

OK, enough of this for now. I've got some housecleaning to do and a movie from a coworker I need to watch.

Edited: The movie was State of Grace and it SUCKED!